Friesencold

I have some of the best friends in the world. I love my friends. And not for the things they give me, but I do want to highlight a few of those things.

Here’s what my friend Lisa gave me for Cash recently:

And here’s what my friends Jaime and Brandy bought for me when they were shopping at Oak Brook the other day, even though they had both already bought me other baby gifts:

So many friends have brought us so many delicious meals. 11 meals to be exact, and we have 8 more already scheduled on the calendar. And all the food has been so good. Last night, our friend Brandy brought us our favorite take-out food from Noodles. And my friend Dena made the most amazing apple crisp ever a couple weeks ago. I am happy to say I snagged the recipe from her so I can make it with the organic apples my other friend Lisa brought us along with the butternut squash soup she prepared. Are you jealous yet? Or at least hungry, Lauren?

Three friends have been so thoughtful as to buy a “Big Brother” gift for Bauer when they’ve stopped by to see Cash. I’ll be sure to remember that when my friends have their second babies from now on.

And nine of our friends have offered to help in any way they can, many of them specifically saying they’d help with Bauer, since Cash was born. I know it’s nine because I made a list of them yesterday. And the reason I made a list is because I have realized I need to let these friends help me.

The way I got to thinking that yesterday was after we received another baby card in the mail, along with two $25 gift cards to Babies R Us. I was feeling a little overwhelmed at the many, many gifts we’ve received from so many kind people. You would be amazed how many different gift cards I have in my purse. Baby Gap, Chipotle, Starbucks, WalMart, and more – all from giving birth to a baby. I never knew it would be so rewarding

I am not complaining at all about having these gift cards. It’s just that yesterday I had the feeling of not knowing what to do with so many blessings, or why we have been given so much. I called TJ at work and was telling him some of my feelings, including the feeling that sometimes I wish we knew what it was to have a sense of need instead of always having so much given to us, and then TJ pointed out that we do have needs, just different kinds than material ones or things for the baby right now.

TJ and I really need to be able to spend time getting to know each other as friends, meaning we need an evening here and there to go in the kitchen together and make an apple crisp and then eat it and play a game of Yahtzee, or to walk to Blockbuster and pick out a movie together and come back home and watch it, or to talk about MealBaby stuff and come up with even more ideas. It’s hard to do that with always having 2 kids around, especially when Bauer usually doesn’t go to sleep until after 9pm at night because he often doesn’t wake from his nap until 4:30. By that late in the evening, there’s no time to make an apple crisp or watch a movie or anything other than get the baby fed and settled for the night.

I had been saying to TJ the night before yesterday how I just wished we could send Bauer away for a night (or a weekend) and how nice it would be to have relatives nearby for that. That is one of the hardest parts of living here, not being able to call my mom or TJ’s mom last minute and ask them for the favor of keeping one or both of our children. But then I thought of all the friends we have who have offered to help us in different ways since Cash was born, one way being to watch Bauer for us. So that is what prompted me to make a list, and also what prompted me to ask one of those friends if Bauer could stay one night this weekend with them. I think it’s going to work out and I think we need to do this more, call on others to meet the needs we do have and not wish our needs were different ones.

So to all my friends out there who have made me an offer to help, I will probably be taking you up on it in the near future. I need to let you be needed. And I will be thanking my lucky stars to have friends who are like family to us.

We had a great time celebrating Bauer’s 3rd birthday recently. You know how much Bauer loves trains, so we had his party at the All Aboard Diner in Downers Grove, IL. This place is train central. There’s the train that brings the food; the train on a track up around the edge of the ceiling; the interactive model train set by the front door with different buttons for kids to push and operate different things inside the set; the train pictures everywhere, including the bathroom; the ride-on train for 50 cents like the ones at grocery stores; and of course, a Thomas DVD playing on the TV front and center where every seat in the house can see it. Bauer was in heaven. And I think the other kids liked it a lot too.

I had invited 9 of his little friends, to be accompanied by at least one parent each, although the whole families were welcome to come. I know about the birthday rule of inviting only as many kids to a party as the birthday child is turning (so that would have been 3 for Bauer this year). But how can I narrow down his friends when they all belong to my friends?

I figured if I invited 9, probably at least 2 or 3 would not be able to come due to sickness or vacation or other plans. I really had no idea that all 9 kids would be able to come. Some came with one parent, some with their whole families, but in all, there were 10 children around Bauer’s age, 15 adults including me, TJ, and TJ’s mom, and 4 siblings who were all babies. I was worried it would be too many people, especially in the party room they had reserved for us for the second half of our time at the restaurant. But it actually ended up just fine.

The first hour of the party was spent at the counter area where the kids all sat in double-stacked high chairs so they could reach the counter. I have no idea why they made the bar stools so low since most everyone who comes to eat there comes with a kid and no 3 year old kid, even a tall one like Bauer, can reach the counter without not 1 but 2 high chairs. I knew this to be the case from our last visit to All Aboard, but I seriously didn’t think they would have 20 high chairs reserved for our party. They did! So all the kids could easily reach the counter. Not just for eating their food, though. The biggest deal was getting to watch the train run on its track around the whole counter and then disappear into the kitchen area and then re-emerge with baskets of food. Each child got to choose from the kids menu so you know what kind of food that was. Bauer enjoyed his treat of grilled cheese and french fries and a “box juice” as he calls a juice box.

After lunch was finished, Bauer got his cup of ice cream brought out on the train while we were still at the counter so that everyone could sing “Happy Birthday” to him. But then we moved the party to the party room for the second hour. All the other kids got their ice cream at this point and everyone seemed to enjoy being together in the fun and close quarters of the party room. Even Cash seemed to do okay with so many people around, but thankfully Nana was there to take special care of Cash and give him his bottle when he got hungry. Bauer opened his presents from everyone at the party, and man, did he get a lot of nice things. Thomas stuff, Cars movie stuff, a dump truck that makes noise and has lights, a fun wooden elephant stacking game, a book about trains, a train puzzle, a doctors kit, a Little Einsteins hopscotch mat with the large foam interlocking pieces, and cowboy boots and a cowboy hat from me and TJ and Cash.

Click here for pictures of the party, plus a few other cute ones at the end, including a couple of our family taken last weekend when we did the park district’s Family Hayride.

The Family Hayride was a fun outing, but mostly because we did it together with our friends The Lemans. Bauer loves having a friend along for anything we do, so he and Graham had a blast. And of course, TJ and I enjoyed talking with Julie and Matt. The first 15 minutes was spent waiting for the tractor and trailer to show up, the next 30 was spent on the hayride itself, and the last 45 was spent making s’mores around a campfire. Bauer wasn’t into the s’mores although he did want a chocolate bar to bring home with us. He and Graham were mostly interested in running around like monkeys and also helping their daddies roast marshmallows on sticks around the fire. It was still daylight, in case you’re wondering how we could keep up with two 3 year olds with sharp sticks and fire in the picture.

We found out last week that Bauer has to get glasses. That will have to be a post for another day because the story of how we came to find out is a little long. We have ordered his glasses and they should be in by the end of this week or early next week. Once we get them, I’ll get a picture of my big 3 year old in glasses (think Jerry Maguire kid but cuter) and then I’ll post about how we found out he needs them.

Sometime in the middle of the night recently, while I was partially awake feeding Cash, I had the idea to make a list of all the rules I have for myself. The things that run through my mind as I go about my days. The expectations I place on myself. The things I would be doing in a perfect world, and yet even though I know it’s not a perfect world, the things I try to do anyway. The things I feel compelled to maintain.

It’s hard to even really put an umbrella over these things and call them by the same name because they are in all different categories. Robert Benson would divide them into work, rest, community, and prayer, and maybe that would be a good second exercise to do. But just getting them down on paper was a good first exercise. It helped me to get a sense of the things I desire and the things that desire me. And it made me see that not everything can be maintained, and not everything needs to be.

And yes, I know the list should have been 47 Rules, but I really didn’t think it necessary to dig in my dirt for even more things to live under. I just wrote the ones that came to me easily enough. And anyway, that word should….who gave it such power?

1. Eat healthy. Make sure Bauer eats healthy.
2. Look for ways to save money on groceries.
3. Keep the fridge and pantry organized, know what you have, use what you buy, don’t waste food.
4. Write on your blog regularly, like at least once a week.
5. Nurse Cash and keep him on a 2.5-3 hour schedule.
6. Spend time getting to know TJ as a friend.
7. Work out 4x a week, 20-30 minutes each time.
8. Lift weights 2x a week.
9. Don’t let the stack of receipts get too high before entering them in Quicken, and don’t let the bank/credit card statements get too old before reconciling them.
10. Stay in regular communication with Holly, Mama, and Daddy.
11. Put pictures on the Ceiva at least once a week so that family members can keep up with things we are doing.
12. Don’t let Bauer have too many toys and keep the ones he does have organized.
13. Keep the laundry done and the dishes washed and put away.
14. Spend time reading the Bible and journaling at least several times a week.
15. Read books for pleasure and keep book list on your blog updated.
16. Write thank you notes for all gifts received.
17. Write reply emails to friends who email me and do it in a timely fashion.
18. Maintain local friendships with phone calls, emails, and time spent together.
19. Coordinate playgroup including new fall schedule.
20. Keep your recipes organized and try a new one every once in a while.
21. Clean the bathroom when it starts looking dirty.
22. Keep current on what needs to be bought at Whole Foods, Meijer, Trader Joe’s, and Target, and make regular trips to each.
23. Take some responsibility for our new small group.
24. Plan a date night every now and then, and plan some family outings (such as hayride and apple picking this fall).
25. Write to Christopher, the little boy you sponsor in NYC.
26. Work toward an eat/wake/sleep cycle with Cash.
27. Keep Bauer’s scrapbook and Cash’s baby book current.
28. Make carrot juice for Bauer, and when it runs out, make more.
29. After walking for exercise, do the series of stretches you learned in physical therapy.
30. Do groin stretches and squats and at least 100 Kegels a day.
31. Check Facebook every so often to accept friend requests and write some replies to people who wrote on your wall.
32. Find a way to make The Divine Hours a part of your life, create a sacred time and place for that, and begin the journey toward a life of prayer as Robert Benson describes in his book Living Prayer.
33. Wash and cut up all fruits and vegetables as needed when you buy them.
34. Send out birthday cards to people on your birthday calendar and try to buy cards in advance so you won’t be scrambling at the last minute and end up settling for an average (and probably overpriced) card.
35. Take a nap when you are tired, which is basically every day now.
36. Monitor how much and what Bauer watches on TV or DVDs.
37. Read the blogs of a few of your friends on a regular basis so you don’t get too behind on their lives.
38. Look through fliers from the Sunday newspaper and scan for good deals on things we need.
39. Make sure there is a plan for dinner each night and prepare healthy foods that your family can all enjoy together.
40. Keep Bauer’s hands wiped off after going in stores and before he eats snacks. Don’t let Bauer put his hands in his mouth. Try to keep him from getting sick.

With all that said and done, what kind of life is that?

Recently I was reading my friend Miska’s blog and someone made a comment about one of her posts, and this comment may become my new mantra. All that you have to know in life are the things you love and adore.

All that you have to know in life are the things you love and adore.

That was worth repeating.

I think this thought could be key for me to help me know what I need to know and want to pursue from the list of 40. I know some of the 40 rules are things that must be done, like laundry and dishes, but in loving my family, those are just part of the deal, which means they don’t feel like burdens anymore.

In learning about the life of prayer that Robert Benson describes in his book, I know that is the number one thing I want. I cannot do it justice by trying to describe this way of life because it is a different kind of language than what our world runs on and what my days have been used to running on. I can only read the book and let my heart feel it and my mind want it and somehow, slowly, intentionally, daily begin the journey toward this kind of life. If you think it sounds mysterious and vague, well it is. But in a good way. In a way that allows us to “begin to sense that our work can be changed from job and task into service and act of kindness, from the struggle for gain into the offering of gift, from slow death into life-giving co-creation.”

My favorite few lines from the book at this point (meaning my favorites will probably change as time passes and I change) are these:

“[The life of prayer] is a journey upon which we embark for the sole purpose of landing at the starting point again and again. Only more away of and more present to, more astonished and humbled and delighted by our arrival than we were the last time we noticed that we were home. Progress, if such a practical term can be used, is measured not by the amount of ground that is covered; it is measured by the amount of attention that is paid. We must pay attention to the seasons that surround us and we must live the season in which we find ourselves.” (R. Benson)

Coming next time: Bauer’s birthday post and pictures. I am the proud mama of a 3-year old! Here’s a sneak peak:

I promise to write soon. I have a good post in mind, plus I still want to tell about Bauer’s birthday party and put some pictures of that in a Gallery for easy viewing.

I think about blogging every day, but then again, I also think about working out and taking a shower and sleeping. First things first.

In the middle of September 2005, Bauer was born.
Sometime in May 2006, an idea was born.
At the end of August 2008, Cash was born.
And at the beginning of September 2008, MealBaby was born.

TJ and I had the idea for a meal registry website over 2 years ago. And it is has just become a reality. MealBaby.com is a free online tool that allows a person to create a meal registry, including a calendar of when they would like meals delivered, a place to write in food preferences and allergies, and even the opportunity to select restaurants to which they would like gift cards purchased (by out-of-town friends and family members who aren’t able to make and deliver a home-cooked meal). Once the registry has been created, the person can enter email addresses for everyone they would like to receive an email with a link to view their registry. Then all of those people can click on the link, view the registry, pick dates on the calendar to sign up to bring a meal, or purchase a gift card and have it sent directly to the person. All of this in one easy, seamless sweep!

MealBaby is perfect for a new mom whose friends would generally want to bring meals anyway but who in the past would start an email chain trying to coordinate all the different people and all the different meals. It’s also perfect for a person recovering from surgery or any other person who needs some extra care by having people bring home-cooked meals.

Take a look at MealBaby.com, tell all your friends, and if you have a pregnant friend, be so bold and ask them if you can create a registry for them (yes, you have the option to create a registry for someone else). We would love to get an email or have you post a comment on my blog with any of your questions or thoughts or other feedback about the website.

I am delighted that we have so many nice friends who have signed up on mine and TJ’s very own registry to bring meals to us now that we are home with our new baby Cash. We’ve gotten 5 or 6 meals so far and probably have twice that many to go (thank you, swell friends!). It is such a blessing to have people prepare food for us, and on top of that, it’s all been food we really like based on our friends looking at our food preferences listed on the registry we created. So very cool.

In other news, Cash is 2 weeks old. So very cool as well. I am really enjoying the baby that he is more than I ever did with Bauer. I just wasn’t the person I am now, and that’s okay. God gave me Bauer so He could begin giving me me. And He is still giving me me and Cash is part of that process now too.

Bauer started Parents Day Out this past Friday at a nearby Methodist Church. He was so excited to go to school and to get to use his new Cars lunchbag. He’ll be going every Friday morning for the 08-09 school year. Bauer is in a class with 7 other kids and 2 teachers. He is the oldest in his class since his birthday falls right after the Sept 1 cutoff. I can’t believe he has 3 more whole years before he starts Kindergarten because it seems like he is already so grown up. Bauer’s buddy Graham also goes to the same PDO on Fridays but because Graham’s birthday is in August, he is in the 3’s class. But at least I’ll get to see my friend Julie (Graham’s mommy) when we drop off/pick up our kids.

We had Cash’s circumcision done this past Monday as an outpatient procedure at a nearby hospital (a different one from the one where he was supposed to be born). The reason we didn’t do it at the first hospital was because the only way our doctor would do it there was if Cash got the Vitamin K injection that newborns routinely receive. We had decided before Cash’s birth that we did not want him to get the Vitamin K shot, which introduces 20,000 times the normal amount of Vitamin K into a newborn’s body during a crucial time of new cell development. That just doesn’t sound good to me, but we didn’t know this decision would exclude Cash from getting the circumcision done at the hospital. Thankfully, we were made aware of another option where the circ could be done as an outpatient procedure and wouldn’t require him to get the Vitamin K first. So we took Cash in on Monday morning for that and he did great. We didn’t stay in the room for the procedure, but the nurse told us he didn’t even whimper during it. Once we came back in the room, he was starting to seem a little upset and so I nursed him right away and before long he was able to calm down and then slept for over 2 hours.

It was during those 2 hours that we took our second family outing. Our first family outing was the day before and our destination was Whole Foods. I thought it would be a good place for Cash to make his public debut, although no one really even saw him since he was all bundled up in his car seat carrier which was then seated on the stroller with the top pulled down. But it wasn’t so much for people to see him as for us to take a family trip to a place we like to go.

Our second family trip was to the mall on Monday after we got done at the hospital. We went to the mall, mainly so I could go to Gymboree to buy some cowboy boots for Bauer for his birthday. TJ and I are giving him those, along with a cowboy hat and a cowboy long-sleeve t-shirt. Can anyone guess who Bauer will be for Halloween this year? Not just any cowboy but a country music singer that Bauer loves to impersonate with his guitar. I told my sister this and she was like, you can’t let Bauer be Kenny Chesney and Cash be Johnny Cash because they like wouldn’t even talk to each other in real life. Here’s the onesie we are going to buy Cash for next summer. I can’t wait! I would buy it now but it’s already getting too cool for him to get much wear out of it this year.

Also at the mall, we went to The Picture People to look at some pictures we had had taken a few weeks ago when my friend Lisa and I were at the mall with Bauer and Brooke. We were just sitting by the fountain by Starbucks, talking, and letting our kids throw money into the water, when this lady from The Picture People walked up and asked if we wanted to come have some pictures taken of our kids and they would give us each a free 10×13. We thought it sounded like a good deal and we didn’t really have anything else to do, so we did it. I wasn’t thinking the pictures were going to be anything special because I haven’t been crazy about how pictures from there have turned out in the past. But this time, we actually ended up liking several of them and just decided to go ahead and let one of them be Bauer’s 3 year picture. Here it is!

Bauer will turn 3 on Monday and we are having his birthday party this coming Saturday. TJ’s mom is in town now and Bauer is having a blast entertaining Nana. We went to the outlet mall this morning and Nana bought some fall clothes for Bauer as part of his birthday present. We found a lot of good things at The Children’s Place Outlet, including a cute black skeleton t-shirt and some new car jammies for Bauer. We also got him 3 pairs of pants and a long-sleeve t-shirt. He needs a few more long-sleeve t-shirts and maybe a sweater or sweatshirt too. But we are way more prepared for the cooler weather than we were a few days ago.

Tonight we are having Mediterranean turkey burgers from Whole Foods and corn-on-the-cob and then I hope we can take a walk in the neighborhood and let Nana see how well our Bob stroller works. I need some fresh air anyway. And a nap. And some food (I’m as hungry lately as I was when I was first pregnant). But it’s all so worth it to have Little Brother Cash and Big Brother Bauer.

That’s what I’ve found myself thinking over and over the last couple of days. What I am going through now as I take care of a newborn, the breastfeeding, the interrupted sleep night after night, the feeling of being tied down, the planning that goes into every outing and even into every “staying in” time as well….all of this is hard, don’t get me wrong. It’s hard, very hard, both physically and emotionally. But I know it is such a short time for how long Cash’s life will be and how much joy we will get from having him. I see moms of boys, with their boys, all the time – moms who are farther along than me and whose boys are probably in middle school and I think yes, it will definitely be worth it. And then I think how one day TJ and I will be past the child-rearing phase of life and it will just be us and I know we will be so happy to have our boys all grown up and living their own lives with their families. I think that will be so much fun to enjoy them during that stage of their lives, too.

So when I start to think how hard it is to go through this first year especially, I am making it my mantra to remind myself how worth it this whole business really is. I am so thankful to be able to have children and to have them in my life. I am a different person because God gave me Bauer and because God gave me Cash. TJ and I are a different couple because of our boys. I could not be more thankful for these blessings in my life. Yet it seems my thankfulness is only going to continue to grow.

I promised to tell where Cash got his name. Cash is for Johnny Cash, although I must admit, I am no Johnny Cash expert (I probably couldn’t name more than 1 or maybe 2 of his songs off the top of my head, unless I had just happened to listen to his CD 5 minutes ago). But I do love that movie called Walk the Line. It is my second favorite movie after About A Boy, which is where Bauer got his middle name of Marcus. I love the story of Johnny Cash in Walk the Line, and I love Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon together in that movie. I love their singing especially. And this makes me love Johnny Cash (his is a story of redemption), and this makes me love the name Cash. And this makes me love our little boy Cash.

Benedict, Cash’s middle name, is for St. Benedict. I got into St. Benedict from reading a couple of Kathleen Norris’s books, The Cloister Walk and Amazing Grace. My friend Miska recommended the book Amazing Grace first and it is now on my Top 5 list of books I love. The author writes a lot about her time spent in Benedictine monasteries and what she has learned from interacting in the lives of monks and nuns. She is not a nun but has been highly influenced by the lives of the monks and nuns, who in turn have been and continue to be highly influenced by the life and work of St. Benedict.

St. Benedict lived back around the 500’s and started the order of Benedictine monks. He wrote what is known as The Rule of Saint Benedict, as a guideline for the monks to follow, and his rule is still followed today in the Benedictine order. After reading of how Kathleen Norris was influenced so much by Benedict, I decided to read Norris’s other book The Cloister Walk, which is along similar lines as Amazing Grace, and then after that I decided to read The Rule of Saint Benedict itself. Although some of the book applies specifically to how monks are to live within the monastic community, much applies to how we are to live within a Christian community. I also read a book by Robert Benson called A Good Life: Benedict’s Guide to Everyday Joy and in this book, Benedict’s rule is made even more practical to our lives today. I love how the words of St. Benedict, through the words of others, have given me life and hope and joy, and that is why I love the name Benedict.

I am going to have to save the meals post for next time. I don’t want to be rushed to explain it, so I’ll write again soon.

I wrote a one-week post yesterday, but wanted to include more pictures that TJ put together last night.

A few of the highlights from week one, that are shown in the pictures, are:

1. Cash’s arrival, of course

2. The Last Fling in downtown Naperville – Bauer rode the big yellow slide, the Frog Hopper, the motorcycles and the dragon roller coaster.

3. Building a block tower with Gigi

4. Water balloon tee-ball

5. The Labor Day Parade – Bauer wanted to stay till the VERY end, so Gigi was nice enough to stay with him so I could walk back home and rest.

Click here for the photo gallery of the first week. There is also one video you can view. To see it, click on the picture of the second Edward Hospital bag on the seat of TJ’s car.

till Cash’s first birthday!

Here is his 1 week picture, taken today, on the front porch in place of the pregnancy photos we took there each week.

I feel like things are going remarkably well. Having a newborn definitely seems a lot easier the second time around, and TJ said he feels the same way. My mom was here through Tuesday (below is a picture of her with Cash at the hospital), but since then, it has just been the four of us.

I wasn’t sure how Bauer would do after having my mom here for so long because he got so much attention from her during her visit. The day she left, Bauer ended up not even napping because he fell asleep for 10 minutes on the ride home from the airport, and I was sure that it was going to be a difficult afternoon. But Bauer was so pleasant to be around all afternoon and I was really amazed, sort of wanting to pinch myself because it seemed like a dream. I feel like it was definitely something God blessed me with that day, just to give me confidence in being a mom to 2 kids. Bauer went to bed that night around 8 and slept till 8 the next morning. He hasn’t done that in ages.

Yesterday and so far today, Bauer again has been a very happy boy and I am starting to think he just likes being home with us. Before Cash came along, I was always taking Bauer out to different places, sometimes to run errands but just as often to do things with and for him, such as parks, the library, playgroup, etc. There were not a lot of days that we just stayed home, but it seems from the past few days at home, Bauer really likes being home. What he is especially enjoying lately is playing tee-ball with water balloons. Sort of hard to capture a good picture of it, but I tried.

Even this morning, when TJ told Bauer that the two of them were going to Target together to pick out some new clothes for Bauer (he has no pants or long sleeve shirts that fit him and the weather turned cool today and made us realize we better get him something soon), Bauer right away said he wanted to stay home with Mom. They went to Target anyway and found a few good items, although I think we need to make a trip to the outlets soon, especially The Children’s Place Outlet.

What I can’t believe about having a baby is how big it has made Bauer seem all of a sudden. He feels so heavy now and it’s almost harder to hold him than even when I had the big baby belly.

I also can’t believe how much newborns sleep. Cash eats and naps and that’s pretty much it so far. In the next couple of days, I’m going to start working on keeping him awake for a little while after each feeding, which is something helpful I learned in the Babywise book. It’s the Eat/Wake/Sleep routine, which helps them establish a rhythm that lends itself to uninterrupted nighttime sleep. Last night, Cash had the most fussiness he’s had so far during the night. He was awake and clearly not settling down from about 10:15pm-1:15am. We couldn’t tell if he was hungry, had gas, needed to poop, or what. But once he finally settled down just after 1am, he had 1 more feeding around 4:15am and slept the rest of the time till 7am. I think TJ and I are averaging about 5 hours total sleep each night. I am trying to get a nap each day, which is a big help.

Breastfeeding is going well now that I’m past that really tough 24 hours where the milk is coming in and you think you just can’t do this. I remember the same thing with Bauer, but I had forgotten how painful that part was. But now that I’m through that, and am getting back into the routine of nursing a baby every 2-3 hours, it really isn’t too bad. At first, I was getting a little frustrated because I was pushing myself so hard to nurse on both sides and it was extremely difficult to keep Cash awake for the second side. But then I thought to try just one side each time and that works a lot better. If he starts wanting more, I can go back to 2 sides and the cool thing is my body will respond by producing more milk for him. This whole thing is just such a miracle.

We haven’t given Cash a bath yet, but will probably start that in the next couple of days. I also plan to start a pumping and bottle routine one time a day. I really want TJ to be able to give Cash a bottle each evening for his late-night feeding just so that Cash gets in the habit of taking a bottle and so I can go to bed right after pumping and get a headstart on sleep since I know I will be up again a few hours later. So far, I’ve mostly been nursing Cash while sitting on our bed with big fluffy pillows stacked up beside me. But I’m not sure how that will work if we want to attempt to have TJ sleep through that middle of the night feeding once he has to go back to work full-time and really needs to get a good night’s sleep. I take up pretty much the whole bed with all the pillows and all of Cash’s changing stuff is in our bedroom (along with his crib), so it seems that the hoopla of it all is going to wake TJ up regardless. We’re not quite to that point of having to figure it out yet, though, so I’ll stay on the bed for now.

I love being able to look out the windows in our bedroom while I’m feeding Cash. I can see Washington Street with all the traffic and there are always people walking by to the train station or to the high school down the street. I love the noise of it, and feeling like I’m in the middle of something even though I am just sitting there in a quiet bedroom nursing a newborn baby. I have a couple good books I’m reading, so I go back and forth between those sometimes while I’m nursing too.

Stay tuned for next time, when I plan to tell the story of Cash’s name, plus reveal our secret for getting great meals delivered to us now that we are home with a newborn. In the meantime, let me close by saying,

LOOK AT MY TWO BOYS!

Well, here it is – the long awaited birth story!

On Thursday morning – the VERY COOL date of 8/28/08 – I started having contractions around 4:15am. They were mild in intensity and probably spaced about 10 minutes apart at the beginning. I woke TJ around 5 and we stayed in bed until probably 6 or 6:30, just timing the contractions and me trying to rest and relax. Still nothing too major.

This continued throughout the next few hours, so we went about our typical morning routine with Bauer getting up, having breakfast, and playing. It was mostly my mom playing with Bauer, though, so I could sit and rest during the contractions and so TJ could be keeping up with the time. By 9am, the contractions were getting a little more intense and closer together, anywhere from 4-8 minutes and each lasting about 60 seconds in length. Around this time was also when my mom left the house with Bauer to take him to do fun stuff for the morning, like the children’s museum and the park.

We had already called our doula Lisa around 6 that morning just to let her know my contractions had started, but she had told us to call back when they were getting more intense. So we called her again around 9:30 or so. She suggested I try some different positions during the contractions and just see how they felt and then to call her back again shortly. We had blown up the air mattress in our living room so at this point I was mostly just resting on the mattress (I liked the firmness better than our bed) and trying to relax each part of my body during the contractions. I had envisioned that by the time labor got to this point, I would be listening to the hypnobirthing positive affirmation and relaxation tracks on my iPod as a way to get through each contraction. But instead, it seemed more relaxing for TJ to put on some soft music on the computer and for him to read me the positive affirmations I had typed out and also for him to do some light touch massage just to remind me to relax.

Just after TJ got off the phone with our doula around 9:30, that’s when I got into a new position as she suggested. I got on my knees in a kneeling position on the floor and rested my hands and head on the recliner and sort of swayed my hips back and forth. This felt good to me until the contraction really started and that is when I had what I would call the first very intense and painful contraction – the kind that you realize is your body doing what it is supposed to be doing but you aren’t quite sure how you are going to get through this. I didn’t ever imagine myself making any kind of noise during labor except maybe for breathing, but I know with this contraction, I began a groaning noise and just had to give in to it. I don’t know how long that contraction lasted, but it was after this that TJ realized he should call Lisa and tell her she should come to our house. Our plan was to labor at home with Lisa there as a support person until it was time to go to the hospital.

Unfortunately, Lisa’s phone went straight to voicemail but TJ left her a message saying that she should come now. Right after that, TJ got on the phone with the doctor’s office, letting them know I was in labor and that they could notify the hospital. He ended up being on the phone with them for like 10 minutes (and that’s even after making the selection for the if you think you are in labor, please press whatever button). As soon as he got off with them, I suggested he call Lisa back again to be sure she had gotten the message. So he called her and this time she answered and said she hadn’t gotten the message yet, but that she would leave right away. She lives about 20-25 minutes from our house, and I had assumed we would be at home for a couple more hours at least from this point.

But then my water broke! I was back on the air mattress and I had another very intense contraction and then I felt all of this gushing of liquid. At first I didn’t even realize what it was, but TJ quickly told me it was my water breaking. TJ said he actually saw it happen, like it was this big bubble coming out and then it burst.

From that point, everything is sort of a blur because the contractions were so incredibly intense and painful that I really had no choice but to give in to whatever my body needed to do. And what it needed to do was PUSH. I felt a lot of pressure “down there” and the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom, which they say is a sign of the need to push. When I realized this feeling, I started to feel some panic because Lisa wasn’t there and also because I didn’t think we could make it to the hospital. I just knew I had to push and I also knew I was making a lot of groaning noises (but who cares at this point?) and the third thing I knew was the whole idea of trying to relax and breathe through this didn’t even seem like an option. Like I keep saying, my body was taking over and my mind wasn’t really that involved, other than the thought of having to push, push, push.

TJ said we really need to get to the hospital and I was like, I don’t think we can. I really didn’t see how I could even stand up from the air mattress, much less walk to the car and then ride in the car. There were about two times during these moments of intensity that I had a break for about 30 seconds and that is how first, I stood up, and second, I walked through our backyard to the garage. After first standing, TJ helped me get my shorts back on – I had kicked them off after my water broke – and then he helped me to the back door. He helped me get flipflops on, and he also somehow grabbed most of the things we had packed for the hospital. I walked on out to the car (our Honda Civic) and then TJ was there too – opening my door, reclining the passenger seat all the way flat, laying out a large hospital pad over the seat to protect it, and helping me get in.

As soon as we backed out of the garage, I remember taking my shorts right back off because I knew I had to push. TJ began driving the less than 2 miles to the hospital as fast as he possibly could and I continued groaning, or maybe you could call it screaming at this point, and pushing. We had to drive through the downtown Naperville, which meant at least 4 or 5 stoplights from our house to the hospital. At one point, I think TJ even went into the opposite lane of traffic to get by some cars that were stopped at a light. He was doing everything possible to get us there before that baby came out.

We were getting so close to the hospital that I’m sure I could have seen it up ahead if I had been looking up ahead. TJ kept driving and I think he was telling me to breathe, but the most important thing he was doing that I didn’t realize at the time was that he was looking over and watching me and being very aware of what was happening “down there.” I’m so glad he was because when we were just 3 blocks from the hospital, TJ said he saw the baby’s head starting to come out (and believe me, I felt it!). TJ said there was a moment when he was torn between trying to keep going and just get us there and stopping if we weren’t going to make it in time. He said he looked down again and this time, the head was really coming out, so he quickly pulled over into the first driveway he saw, which we later found out was an old home converted into a dentist office. TJ went back later to take this picture.

Anyway, once we were stopped, TJ put on the parking brake and reached over as the head came out. TJ told me later that he put his hands on either side of the head and supported it as it came out and then he told me to keep pushing. I pushed once more and the body was out, just like that. And then TJ told me to raise up my shirt and put the baby on my chest skin to skin, which of course is what I wanted to do, but I am glad TJ was there to tell me to do it because I think I was sort of in shock at that point.

I had this slippery, purple-red, 30-second old baby right in front of me. I didn’t cry and he didn’t cry. But it was amazing. TJ reversed out to the honking of horns of the cars we had cut off, and we were back on our way to the hospital that was 2 blocks away. I was just holding our new baby boy on top of me, and patting his back and trying to make sure he was breathing. He was starting to look all purple, but now thinking back, it was probably just because he was getting cold. I kept looking at his face and holding him up and wanting him to cry or cough or something so I could know he was okay. But he was breathing, for sure, and we were so close to the hospital that I really didn’t have time to worry for long.

TJ pulled right up to the emergency room entrance and jumped out of the car and then ran around to my side and opened the door, while at the same time calling for anyone standing there to go get some help, that we have a baby in the car. It seemed like it took a good 2 minutes for anybody to come and I remember saying to TJ to just go get someone, but right after that, a whole bunch of nurses and a doctor ran out to our car and brought a stretcher bed on wheels. They covered me and the baby with a blanket and started rubbing the baby to warm him up and they lifted us both on the bed and began rolling us into the ER. I remember I had just one of my flipflops still on and I wanted someone to take it off so I wouldn’t have to think it might fall off.

They took us to a room in the children’s ER and the first thing they did was cut the cord. Part of our birth plan was that we wanted to make sure the cord had stopped pulsating before it was cut so that all of the blood in there could go to the baby’s body instead of being wasted. Well, we didn’t have to worry about that because by the time they cut it, the cord was completely white and had shrunken really skinny. That was pretty cool. So they cut the cord and took the baby over to the side (with TJ right there watching everything they did) and they mainly checked his breathing and vital signs. They quickly told us he was fine and while they were doing all the baby stuff, the nurses were talking to me and putting in a heparin lock for an IV (which I thankfully never needed for anything) and I was asking for something to drink and they kept telling me I had to wait until I delivered the placenta. But then finally some nice nurse handed me a cup of ice chips.

We were wheeled next to the delivery room, where I would have delivered the baby if I’d been there in time. One of the doctors in my practice, Dr. Martin, came to deliver the placenta and shake hands with TJ, congratulating him on the delivery. Before the placenta was delivered I still felt some pressure in my groin area and he kept telling me it would feel better once the placenta came out. We probably waited in the delivery room about 5 minutes before Dr. Martin felt I was ready to push, and then he gently pressed on my uterus and instructed me to push. It didn’t take long and it was out, and right away some of that pressure was gone.

The next thing he did was to check me for tears. I am so happy to be able to say that my perineum was completely intact and there was no cervical tear either. That is the one thing I was really hoping for during the birth, that I wouldn’t tear. I had done a lot of stretching of my groin muscles, and a lot of squatting to help prepare my body but still, you never know how big the baby will be or how fast things will go (meaning how little time your body may have in labor to actually stretch itself out and not tear). In my case, though, it worked like a charm and even with the fast labor, there was no tear.

After the placenta was out and I was checked for tears, this is when I got to hold Baby Cash again. I had envisioned having skin-to-skin contact for the first hour after his birth, and for them to delay all the newborn procedures (such as weighing, measuring, etc). Well, I did get to hold him immediately after birth in the car and TJ’s hands were the first hands to touch him and mine were the second. I think that is the coolest thing. Nobody was there to interfere at all with us being the ones to touch and hold our baby. But once we got to the hospital, I was fine with them taking him for those first few minutes to make sure he was breathing fine and I knew TJ was right there watching everything they did. However, it was good to get my baby back on my chest in the delivery room and be able to really look at him and just see that he’s okay and I’m okay and just to think – wow, I can’t believe what just happened.

And will somebody please take my flipflop off already?

So we had this one flipflop lying around our hospital room for two days until TJ remembered to retrieve the other one from the car. Here is a picture of the car a couple hours after the birth when TJ went down to get our bags and bring them to our room. I so wish we had thought to take a picture of me holding Cash in the car right after TJ delivered him and I also wish we had thought to look at the clock in the car to see what time he was born.

But that just made for another cool part of the story. When we were in the ER, one of the nurses said to TJ, “Dad, what time was the baby born?” and TJ looked down at his watch and saw that it was a little after 11am. So he quickly thought about it and said 10:47. So we got our 47 after all. Bauer was born at 4:51 and we had both wanted him to be born at 4:47 since it was so close. But oh well, maybe I shouldn’t be so opinionated about stuff like this. I realize that I would never have planned to have a baby in a car, but it was such a blessing after all. We got the natural birth we wanted, with no interventions from the hospital staff. We never even had to use our “birth plan bribe” candy – ha! And still, once we got to the hospital, everyone there was very nice to us and didn’t isolate the baby at all, like we had thought they might. We had heard that sometimes they can be weird about having a baby come in with “outside world germs” and will try to keep the baby separate for a while. But it was nothing like that.

We were cared for by so many great nurses and what a huge help they were especially with the breastfeeding. We kept Cash in our room with us the whole time and anytime he had to be taken down to the nursery for anything, TJ went with him. I’m so thankful for that because one time, they were asking TJ if it was okay to give Cash a pacifier because the lady didn’t want him to cry when she was doing the hearing test, and TJ was like “umm, NO.” I guess they might have just done it if one of us wasn’t there. What was interesting was how every single nurse or tech or person we interacted with at the hospital seemed to know we were the ones who had the baby in the car, like it was written in big red letters across the top of our chart or something. It’s been fun telling the story so far and I think it’s cool that one day we get to tell Cash about his birth.

A couple other things I forget to tell is that our doula never did make it to our house before we left, but maybe that was inferred from the story. By the time we were able to call her, she said she had been at our house knocking on the door for like 15 minutes and thinking maybe we didn’t hear her because we were in the back room trying to get through a contraction or something. She made her way over to the hospital and saw us there and stayed with us for the first few hours. She even drove back to our house to pick up a few things we had left in our rush to get to the hospital and she got us lunch from Jimmie John’s!

The other thing has to do with the birth certificate. We had to fill out the paperwork for them to type out, but there were a few parts at the top that had already been filled in by the hospital. It asked if Edward Hospital was the place of birth and they had written NO. And then it asked if the answer was no, then tell the place of birth and they had written in IN CAR BY FATHER. We thought it was cool that they actually had written this in. Once the paperwork was typed up, it ended up saying that the baby was born on WASHINGTON STREET and that he was delivered IN VEHICLE. I don’t know that the birth certificate itself will actually say any of this but this is the official record.

We were in the hospital from Thursday morning till Saturday morning and when we left, we just felt so blessed to be bringing home a brand new healthy baby.

Cash Benedict Friesen
Born 8/28/08
10:47am
7lbs 15 oz
19.5 inches

The Beginning.