Friesencold

We had to get the carseat carrier back out just for this picture! But here’s Cash, at 11 months.

I took Cash to the park all by himself the other day and got a few good pictures of the munchkin.

On Thursday morning, I took the boys on an outing to Oakbrook Center, which is a nice outdoor mall about 20 minutes away. We browsed in two of my favorite stores there, Anthropologie and The Afternoon, and then we had a picnic lunch. In the third picture below, Bauer is doing his monster fingers. For some reason he is totally into monsters and dragons lately.

And last, there are two new things to report:

First is that recently we had to say goodbye to Bauer’s CD player, which used to be my CD player. It’s the one I got when I was in high school I think.

It has been close to quitting for a long time now. It had gotten to the point where it would skip for no reason, play songs on fast speed, not play certain numbers of songs, or not play at all. Bauer was a good sport about it all, considering he is the one who listens to music all the time and who had to deal with the frustrations of it all. But we really didn’t want to just get him a new one until this one was used up. And now it is!

Thankfully we were able to get the new CD player using our Vitality Points, so it was free. Which is why it’s red and not blue, or at least black.

The other new thing are some shoes I bought last week. I had seen them on a sale rack outside the running store in downtown Naperville and thought they looked cool. I even stuck my foot in the one 7.5 shoe they had out there and thought they felt cool, too.  A couple days later, I decided to go back and really try them on. They still had my size and they were still on sale: $60 instead of $120. Wow! No more walking around town in those worn-out but well-loved black Privos. Here’s a picture Bauer took of me and Cash at Oakbrook, in which I’m wearing my new shoes. I feel like Alexander McCall Smith’s book Blue Shoes and Happiness.

TJ decided to return his shoes to DSW and look for a different pair.

Bauer decided to play so nicely with our neighbor Anna last night when we went over to their house for dinner. I couldn’t believe that the first thing they did was climb up in the chair together to look at books. (Isn’t she a doll?)

And Cash, well, he just decided to squint his eyes and be about the cutest 11-month old ever.

On Sunday night, TJ and I had the opportunity to share some thoughts on generosity at the CCC All-Staff BBQ. A couple people who were not in attendance have expressed interest in knowing what we shared, so I decided to do a little write-up for them and for other interested parties.

TJ opened by expressing our heartfelt gratitude and excitement about being a part of a church that encourages generosity in us by being a generous church itself and by giving us more and more opportunities to give.  He then shared a few of the “bigger” ways we have been generous during the past year, with specific emphasis on opportunities that have arisen within the context of our small group. As a group we have been able to help buy a family a vehicle; help pay rent for a group member’s brother who was in the hospital for several months and lost his job but still had a family to support; support a group member’s coworker whose daughter is serving in Afghanistan; and most recently help pay rent for a church attender who serves on the videocast team and who hasn’t been able to cover basic needs due to the un-smiley face of the economy.

After a little more big-picture talk, I went into the details when it was my turn to share because I love details. I talked about two examples of smaller forms of generosity, one from a few months ago and one from the other day.

The few-months-ago example occurred during a trip to Whole Foods back in the spring. I was in there to pick up a few things and had brought along a coupon for $10 off any $50 purchase. I wasn’t really needing enough stuff to add up to $50 but let’s be honest, it’s not that hard to spend $50 in Whole Paycheck. At the same time I was figuring in my mind what additional things I could buy to get up to $50, I thought of a good friend of mine who has to shop at Whole Foods a lot more frequently than I do due to some special dietary needs of her daughter. And I thought of how I could give the coupon to her and it would probably benefit her a lot more than it would me. But then I thought of how I wanted the coupon for myself. I had one of those moments of crisis just then, and what does a woman do in a moment of crisis? She speed-dials her husband. I stopped right in the middle of Whole Foods and called TJ, but he didn’t answer (the small crowd chuckled at this point, where were you TJ?)

God must have had him not answer because God wanted to be the voice to speak to me instead. I had this thought come into my mind just then – If you err on the side of being generous, it will never be the wrong choice. I had my answer just as plain as day, and as simple as give and you won’t be wrong. So I got out of the store without spending a small fortune that day, mailed the coupon to my friend, and took away a line of thinking that has stuck with me ever since.

The more recent example was just last week, one day when both kids were napping and I was sitting on the couch thinking. That’s what I like to do when the kids are asleep. I sit there and look out the window and watch the cars and the neighbors and think about stuff. I read my Bible sometimes and I journal sometimes, but always I think.

That particular day I was looking around our living room at our two big bookshelves from IKEA that are filled with books, more books than any two people could read or need. I thought about how much we have, not just books, but in other areas too. I thought about our pantry and how at any time of day or night I can go into the kitchen and get whatever I want to eat without a second thought. I go to the grocery store a couple times a week at least and buy things we like and keep our fridge and pantry stocked so that when we’re hungry, we are taken care of. And then I thought of the person we know who has been relying on a food pantry for help and who can’t just go out to eat whenever he wants or buy what he prefers at the grocery store. And then, finally then, I had the so-not-novel, but so-this-is-my-moment thought, This isn’t right. You know how we each have our moments where the thing we’ve heard a thousand times becomes the one time we really hear it? And that was it for me. This isn’t right that I can have whatever I want to eat all the time and this other person is going without basic things. And now what am I going to do about it?

This little occurrence in my otherwise uneventful day opened up a whole new dialogue between TJ and myself when he came home from work. We talked about the idea of sacrifice, and how we could sacrifice things we like, specifically in the category of groceries since that is an area that is a bit more flexible than say rent or electricity, in order to have more money to give away to people who are not as blessed (materially) as we are.

I thought first of how we could garden more in order to have less vegetables to buy. Now I’m not trying to say everyone should garden (although TJ added in here, yes, we are!), but that for me, gardening would be one answer to not spend as much money at the grocery store, and still get to eat veggies aplenty.

My second somewhat silly yet somewhat serious example was about the salsa we buy at Trader Joe’s. It’s the Smoky, Spicy Peach Salsa and it’s some kind of good. Has anybody out there tried it? (And I got a few nods.) Well those little jars are $2.29 a piece. And they’re little. Like probably 10 of them would add up to the big honking jar of Costco salsa which is only $4.99. It’s mango, not peach, though. But do we have to be so particular? Are we allowed to be so particular? Some people don’t have money to buy their own food and I’m having to always have my peach salsa in the fridge just in case on some particular night I feel like chips, guac, and salsa. So this little area, the little jars of peach salsa, is something where we can sacrifice. I think we can still buy it from time to time as a treat, but it doesn’t have to be our everyday salsa. I can be okay with the mango salsa from Costco, or no salsa at all for that matter.

After the salsa talk, I went on to talk about how some of the financial giving we’ve done in the past year has been from TJ’s income, while some has been from the money we have in savings that is from the sale of our house in Orlando. When we sold our house, we put that money in savings to go toward buying our next house. We’ve been renting ever since, so that money has been sitting there and has come in quite handy to allow us to give generously to some things we may not have been able to otherwise. I am very thankful we have that extra money so that we can give more, but at the same time, I feel like it’s easy to view that money in savings as out there somewhere and not very connected to our daily standard of living. I think the recent realization about sacrifice has brought me to ask myself and to ask TJ, does it count if it costs us nothing? It doesn’t technically cost us nothing when we give from savings but it kind of feels that way. And I don’t like the way that feels.

I want my giving to cost me something. I want to not eat peach salsa and know that because I’m going without, someone else is going with.

The other thing I realized through mine and TJ’s dialoguing over sacrifice and salsa was that a lot of people who are not Christ followers would probably give in very similar ways as how we have given. The “big” and the “small” things we talked about are not all that uncommon, and I think there are plenty of people who, just out of the goodness of their hearts, would help out a neighbor or a friend who couldn’t pay their rent. This last realization made me feel challenged yet again, not just to sacrifice, but to be generous in ways that are not normal. I want mine and TJ’s giving to make people say That’s not normal. Yeah, maybe I’d help out my neighbor who needs help with their car repairs, but give them my car? That’s not normal. I think that is what the world needs to see from us who are Christ followers. Not just normal giving, but big (call ‘em radical if you want) sacrifices that reflect back on the big God we are following.

In closing, I shared about how I feel thankful that what is also happening for me and TJ right now is that we are seeing the same things differently than we did even a few months ago. For example, at the beginning of the summer, we canceled our cable because our shows were over and we didn’t think we would need to be watching much TV this summer. We did that as a way to save money, but never did we talk of saving that money in order to give it to someone else. Now, though, that is what I’m thinking. When I give up something, it’s so that someone else can receive. It’s not so that I can feel good about myself for being good at saving.

I finished up my sharing with a quote from C.S. Lewis that I heard years ago and have never been able to forget. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased. Let me say it again. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased. It doesn’t make sense that when we give more and sacrifice more, we will feel our lives expand and we will feel so rich. God says we are blessed when we give and God is not one to tell a story. Why would we not give? And that’s about all I had to say.

TJ wrapped up with a few more good thoughts: like for someone to receive, someone has to give; for someone to be fed, someone has to provide food; if someone somewhere benefits, then someone somewhere paid something. That’s some good truth being told. TJ also reminded us all that if we live in America, we are rich. Not just rich. Filthy rich. And that’s taking into account the fact that we personally make less than the median income in America. Rich. Rich. Rich. Which is not the norm when you consider all the people in the world. 20% of the world lives on $1.00 a day and 50% of the world lives on $2.00 a day. And we spend that much on the smoothies I make every morning. Just a little something, I mean a big something, to think about.

Our small group was cancelled this past Tuesday night but TJ and I kept our babysitter anyway. We decided we needed the break from the kids together, and Bauer seemed to need a break from us too. You should have seen what a good mood he woke up in the next morning!

TJ and I decided to do some errands in the couple hours we had to ourselves. First TJ had a return at Menard’s, where I sat in the car and read the book I was about to return to Borders.

Borders was third, so I’m going a little out of order. I had received two copies of the Elizabeth Berg book Home Safe for my birthday, one from Dena and one from Meghan. I got Dena’s first, and Meghan had included a gift receipt with hers, so it worked out perfectly for me to go there to return it and look for something else. I was wanting to get Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s new 2-book set called Eat for Health, but unfortunately the store didn’t have it in stock. I had a 30% off coupon to use too. Oh well. It ended up that I placed my order on Borders.com and found a 10% off online coupon to use and only had to pay just over a buck. Thanks, in a roundabout way, to Meghan.

TJ and I did get to enjoy browsing through a few other books at Borders, though. TJ looked at Mark Bittman’s Food Matters, and I looked at a book on eating more mindfully and another book on fasting for health. The Food Matters tidbits that TJ read sparked some good conversation for us on our ride home and for like an hour after we got home. That was the best part of the evening, talking about things like why eating healthy shouldn’t be just about us and the health of our own bodies but for the good of the world (like if we don’t eat as much meat, more crops can be grown on that land that will go further to feed more people, which I know it’s not quite that simple, but that was one of the premises Bittman was making).

Before Borders, we went to DSW to look for some new shoes for TJ. I’ve also been thinking of getting some new shoes ever since the spring, but haven’t really been motivated to go shoe-hunting or to spend the extra money. I thought I didn’t want to wear my black Privos all summer, but now I sort of like the black look with shorts.

At the shoestore, I realized how much I like the feeling of putting my old shoes back on after trying on new ones. Even if I like the look and feel of the new ones, they are not my old ones that feel so familiar and friendly to my feet. I could feel fancy and prancy, or fuddy and duddy, in whatever new pair I happened to pick, but the second I put my old black worn-out Privos back on, I am myself again. I just slip ‘em back on and off we go. Not a second thought, unlike when you’re wearing new shoes and you keep wondering how they look and you’re checking out to yourself how they feel, like Did I buy the right size? I hope I bought the right size. Is the lace on the right foot too tight? Am I getting a blister? I better not be getting a blister, these shoes cost me an arm and a leg and I sure don’t think I was paying for a blister too.

Well, taking the shoe thing a bit further, what occurred to me next is that I want my relationship with Bauer to be like my old shoes. I want it to fit the way old shoes do, like where I’m not always having to think so hard about being a nice, kind, patient mommy, but where niceness, kindness, and patience come naturally based on the relationship I have with Bauer, which is pretty much not in the same ballpark as me trying to control Bauer all the time. I find it hard on a regular basis to be the emotion coach for Bauer that he needs me to be, but I also find that I’m noticing the error of my ways a lot more quickly and I’m wanting to change a lot more badly than I used to. God keeps giving me lots of second chances, which helps too.

The new shoes in my life can be something else, like, I don’t know, cleaning the bathroom more than once a month, or making our bed everyday. If I did either of those, it would feel a bit strange and unfamiliar like new shoes might feel. But then I’d get used to those and I’m sure I’d find another pair of new shoes as I seem to be always working on some kind of self-improvement or another. (I’m not really planning to clean the bathroom or make our bed any more regularly at the moment, though.)

Or at the least, the new shoes can be those occasional moments when I lose my temper or blow a fuse or whatever anger-management term you want to give what is probably better defined as trying to do too many things at once instead of letting the little person who is my son have a well-deserved right to my time. Those moments of meanness could be the new shoes that just don’t feel right. And the old shoes that I quick go back to and feel most like myself in and can go for miles and miles in without a second thought or a blister will be the gift God gives me of relating to my son well and for keeps.

P.S. TJ got shoes. I didn’t.

I had a spectacular birthday weekend. My friend Gretchen visited from Texas, I got my tattoo, and I enjoyed dinner and downtown Naperville with the gals from our small group. Here are some pictures with captions to tell the story:

Friday afternoon - Saying goodbye to TJ, Bauer, and Cash

First stop was the tattoo parlor

I got to create the letters of my tattoo in my own handwriting!

Almost finished!

These are the same words Anne Lamott has.

Me with all my tattoo loot.

The bumper sticker says it all.

On to the city, where Gretchen and I enjoyed walking around and a stay at the Marriott.

We saw this pretty piece of art.

They gave me a discount when I proved it was my 30th birthday.

I took my Starbucks with me to the Grand Lux Cafe for dessert. We had dinner earlier in the evening at Bandera and we both got THE veggie burger.

On Saturday morning, Gretchen and I walked to Navy Pier first.

Then we went to Millenium Park to see the bean and all the other stuff around there.

On Saturday evening, we met my friends at Portillo's for dinner. Gretchen got to try Italian Beef!

My friends were so sweet and gave me such thoughtful gifts for my birthday.

After dinner we went to downtown Naperville, walked around a bit, and then had cookie dough from Cookie Dough Creations.

Everything about turning 30 was just great. I felt so loved and celebrated and I owe so many people a big hug to say thank you. My best gift of all was the song TJ wrote for me and posted on the last day of my birthday blog. The song was so perfect it made me cry. My favorite line of all is “She loves the names she picked and the two boys who got them.” TJ’s creativity on my behalf made me feel so close to him and to how we used to be when we would sit and write songs together and talk about our futures and names we liked and where to live and what to do. Those were the days, but these are the days too. The good new days.

I really can’t believe TJ did that for me….the song in particular and the birthday blog in general. Thank you to Gretchen for wanting to come spend my birthday weekend with me. You are definitely one of my all-time favorite people! Thank you to all my friends who wrote birthday blog posts, wrote on my Facebook wall, called me on my birthday, sent cards, gave gifts, and made me feel so loved and cared for.

I am happy to be here among you, in the land of the living. I am happy to have a tattoo. I am happy to be 30. I think Maggie may have summed it up best on the first day of the birthday blog when she wrote “We made it through the soul searching, finding ourselves, establishing our families, getting rid of our baggage 20’s.” I know I haven’t arrived yet, but I am so thankful to be able to TRUST THE CAPTAIN, TRUST THE CREW.

With Ginger and Gretchen off to Chicago to spend the night, I am home alone with the boys. As I was tucking Bauer in for bed we had the following conversation.

Bauer: “Dad, I need someone to sleep with me…so bad.”

Me: “Well, God is sleeping with you.”

Bauer: “No, God isn’t sleeping with me. He’s in heaven.”

Me: “You’re right, God is in heaven. But he is also inside of you.”

Bauer: “He’s inside my belly?”

Me: “Yep.”

Long Pause

Bauer: “No, that man is too big to fit inside me.”

We had a picnic outside in our backyard on Monday, which is where the header picture at the top of the blog is from. It was a nice day and has been all week. We are going to have another picnic this evening for dinner when TJ gets home. We are finally getting some use out of our picnic table again.

Today is my last day of being 29. I think it’s been a pretty good 30 years. My proudest achievement was making it through that first year with Bauer and sticking with the breastfeeding and pumping routine. I thought that whole thing would kill me, but it didn’t. Not only did it not kill me, but it somehow in time gave me courage to have another baby. And now we are blessed with the happiest baby on the block – Cash, a.k.a Munchie.

We lost his shoes this week for 2 days but then we found them.

I thought I was going to lose my mind today if the boys didn’t both nap at the same time, but they are.

That is a wonderful day-before-my-birthday gift. And getting to see my friend Gretchen later today when she arrives from Texas. And getting to have Shauna Niequist write me a birthday blog. (No offense, Mama, you know I love yours too).

I wish I knew how many smoothies I’ve had in the last 30 years. It would be something like
First 27 years: 8
Last 3 years: 800, or probably 847 to be more exact

Shauna used forty-seven in Cold Tangerines!

I have loved my birthday blog so much. All my friends are just dolls! And that TJ, he is just amazing, again and again.

This life is amazing, again and again, too. Even on my bad days (which let me just say, this week with Bauer has been one better day after another and that is something to shout about), I wanna remember to thank my lucky stars for this experience of being a human being.

Thank you God for letting me turn 30, and for letting me read books, and for letting me be a mom, and for letting me get to walk places!

I had two surprises in the mail today and it’s not even my birthday yet. The first was a postcard from Elizabeth Berg, wishing me a happy birthday. I guess she thought TJ asked for a birthday postcard instead of a birthday post. But I’ll gladly take it!

That's to cover my address.

Second was from Amazon, a book I supposed. I was delighted to find the new Elizabeth Berg novel inside that skinny brown box. And the note from my friend Dena made me smile the hugest smile because I feel like she really knows me.

I know you HEART the library, but #143 seems like a long time and you might have to wait another 30 years. Happy Birthday!

Words and Birds

Wasn’t that fabulous? Thank you Elizabeth! Thank you Dena!

The other day when I said I wasn’t cooking anything new, I realized that same day that in fact I was. It’s not new to us, but it’s a new-to-the-blog recipe. This recipe if from the red Betty Crocker cookbook and the name of it in that cookbook is “Italian Chicken and Couscous.” I just omitted the chicken, upped the veggies, and ta-da! A whole new dish.

Recipe 20: Zucchini and Tomato Couscous

1 Tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 can stewed tomatoes, drained and 1/2 cup liquid reserved
1 medium onion, thinly sliced and separated into rings
1 1/2 teaspoons chopped fresh or 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 1/2 cups organic chicken broth (or I’m sure you could use vegetable broth)
3 small zucchini, cut lengthwise in half, then cut crosswise into 1/4-inch slices
5.5 oz package of Near East flavored couscous, including seasoning packet (I have used the Herbed Chicken flavor and the Garlic and Olive Oil flavor….any will work fine, just be sure it’s not the box of plain couscous because the seasoning packet is what gives the dish its flavor)

1. Heat oil in skillet over medium heat. Cook garlic in oil 1 minute, stirring frequently.
2. Stir in reserved tomato liquid, onion, oregano and pepper. Heat to boiling; reduce heat. Cover and simmer about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the onion is tender.
3. Stir in broth; heat to boiling. Stir in zucchini, couscous (including seasoning packet), and tomatoes, breaking up tomatoes with a fork (I cut the tomatoes beforehand with a knife). Stir well and leave on burner for just a couple minutes so everything gets good and hot. Then remove from heat. Cover and let stand 5 minutes or until couscous is tender and liquid is absorbed.

This is a super easy and quick recipe and yields 3-4 servings. Bauer knows it as the Zucchini Stuff. I served it with corn-on-the-cob and toasted rice bread on this particular evening.

Bauer’s new favorite thing is to play rough with TJ, especially on the bed, and especially after meals. Now they’re getting Cash involved too.

It’s been a while since I haven’t been able to sleep in the middle of the night. It’s just after 4 am and for some reason I’m awake. I can’t decide if it’s the big Jamba Juice smoothie and half a brownie I had on mine and TJ’s date last night (lots of sugar going through my system) or the worry over some occurrences while the babysitter was here last night (I know, I know, things always seem worse in the middle of the night). Bauer was awake in bed last night when we got home and he told us he watched “a lot a lot a lot” of TV, which doesn’t make a mom feel too good, although I’m sure Bauer loved it if that was the case. I might need to ask the babysitter about it, but I know I need to give the worry to God.

Breath prayer, which is something my friend Beth recently suggested to me, sounds good about right now. I don’t even know what it is, but doesn’t it sound good?

It won’t ruin a child to watch a little too much TV one day here and there. Especially not the Berenstain Bears. Let’s be rational here, Ginger.

So anyway I thought I’d come write a bit as a way to put some boundaries on what I’m feeling right now. I learned from a book I’m reading that verbally labeling one’s emotions can have a soothing effect on the nervous system which can help one to get over upsetting incidents more quickly.

Said book is John Gottman’s Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, and boy oh boy, am I thankful for the guidance I’m getting as I read it. I put it on my goal list to finish this book plus three others I’m in the middle of by the end of August (I’ve been a slow reader lately), so a couple nights ago I actually just sat down and read once the kids were in bed. After reading for a while, I was inspired to write the following letter to Bauer. I was going to post it yesterday but I didn’t want to take away from the bike-riding video of Bauer that TJ posted. So if you haven’t seen that yet, it’s below this post for your viewing pleasure.

Dear Bauer,
Reading this book has helped me realize I want to have a relationship with you. I truly have missed that being the point. I have been overly critical and have given you very little say very much of the time. You do what I say because I say it. If it’s come clean up these puzzle pieces Cash dumped out, you do it. If it’s don’t stand too close to me while I brush your teeth, then you don’t. I have ignored your feelings over and over and simply tried to control your behavior so that my agenda would not be interfered with.

We came home from Trader Joe’s this afternoon and had to park out front on the street again since the garage door is out of order. Plus it was sprinkling rain to top off the already chilly 66-degree July day. I’m not making excuses but I think I have some pretty valid ones I could use. I’m just setting up the scene and remembering how it was. When we arrived home, I had my mind set on getting Cash and the groceries in the house ASAP so I could get dinner started right away.

As I was getting out of the van, I was barking commands to you, like you bring in your backpack and your stickers, and no, you can’t get out on Cash’s side, which of course was followed by a why?, to which I then made you tell me why that’s the rule. You thought because Cash’s seat was there, but I corrected you that I didn’t want you stepping on the Kleenex box or knocking over the trashcan (knowing I’d be the one having to fix those and I can’t be bothered or slowed down at the moment, or most any moment to be a little more honest).

I went on getting me, Cash, and the first bag of groceries out, and I left you to put on your backpack and get out. As I started up the steps and walkway, I yelled back to you to make sure to close the door on your side. A second later, I heard you saying, or more like crying out, for me to wait. Yet I didn’t wait or pretend to wait or even respond at all. I just kept walking toward the house. I heard wait from you at least twice more before I reached the gate and had to stop to open it. I looked back for the first time at this point and you were running toward me and looking about to cry and I’m like why are you about to cry?

Yeah, that’s pretty much what I’m learning in this book not to do. You, Bauer, are a little person who needs me most when you are afraid, sad, or angry, and given my track record of interactions with you, I think I’d feel afraid, sad, and angry often if I were you. I have some room for improvement (hello understatement) but wow, am I grateful to be learning this now. I am excited about the relationship potential I have with you, you precious sweet little boy who sometimes calls me Ginger and who asks me often Mom, are you happy? Well, Bauer, I want to ask you if you’re happy and I want you to know I care if you are or not, even though I’m not very good at showing you that yet.

I love you so much.
Love, Mom

This letter portrays what some may consider to be a rather minor incident from real life, but it’s a major incident for me because it might just be the catalyst that, fueled by my reading of Gottman’s book, will propel me into the territory where I’ve been wanting to go for so long and not knowing how to get there. If nothing else, the hour I spent the other night reading this book and writing this letter felt the most like real living I have done in a long time. And believe it or not, being up at 4 am now to type this all out makes me feel pretty dang alive too.

We’ll see if that’s the case around 4 this afternoon.