Getting Out

I have been feeling quite low lately….that depressed feeling I used to have a lot. I don’t know exactly why but it gets kind of discouraging to feel like I can’t change. I want to be a different person so badly, but I keep being the same old me. I want TJ to believe I can change, I want Bauer and Cash to believe it, I want to believe it. I want God to believe it too.

Here is a quote I found in an Amazon book review while ago that is helping me tremendously at this very moment:

“The small calculating mind wants either/or, win/lose, good or bad….We do not think ourselves into new ways of living. We live ourselves into new ways of thinking.” (Richard Rohr, in Everything Belongs)

My friend Miska had this second quote on her blog recently and it helped me the day I read it, and still helps me now as I remember:

“God doesn’t look at our faults, but at the places in us that are trying to say yes.” (Richard Rohr, probably in Everything Belongs too since I know Miska recently read that book).

I want to read it!

I want to change!

I want to relax!

I want to chillax!

I want to be free!

I want to be Ginger!

But not the Ginger we all know. The Ginger I’m supposed to be. The Ginger God thought up. The Ginger that is somewhere down there. The Ginger that can smile and laugh at the future because the future is bright and beautiful and painful and wonderful. The future that is so precious that if I realized how precious it is I could barely stand to live it, like Frederick Buechner describes it.

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21

11 2009


by ginger
posted in Blog
5 Comments »

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  1. Winn #
    11.23.2009 14:02
    1

    I’ll take a helping of that.

  2. Miska #
    11.23.2009 11:48
    2

    Oh, Ging. Me, too.

  3. Ginny (Gigi) #
    11.22.2009 17:11
    3

    Hey Ginger – the book Doris, Cheryl and I are reading in book club right now is addressing the very thing you and so many of us feel far too frequently. Not an easy read, and I would never have picked the book up given its title and print style. But it is blowing me away and I think every Christian should read it. I’m going to email you a couple of paragraphs, but if you want to check it out, it’s Spiritual Depression, Its Causes and Cure. It’s an “enduring collection of 21 sermons by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones originally delivered at Westminster Chapel in London”, published in 1965. Love you and I’m praying for you too. Mama

  4. Carol Anne Friesen #
    11.21.2009 21:36
    4

    yes, praying for you too … love, mom

  5. Eric #
    11.21.2009 15:05
    5

    Hang in there, Ginger. My prayers are with you, from Amsterdam.